Thursday 1 July 2010

The Matrix

ma·trix   ('trĭks)
A situation or surrounding substance within which something else originates, develops, or is contained:

As in the motorway signs we all know and love.
Obstruction ahead, lane restrictions, reduce speed, the all encompassing "Tiredness kills"
All operated skillfully and concientiously from a central command centre to help and speed us on our way.
Bollocks. This is what really happens.

"Jock have you cleared the signs on the 62"
"No not yet"
"They cleared the accident half an hour ago"
"Aye, I know but look at camera 42"
"What the fuck is he doing"
On camera 42 is an 18 wheeler straddling the middle and outside lane, blocking both, with the drivers arm out of the window giving the finger to a Merc trying to fit itself through a mini sized gap.
Obviously fed up with traffic toeing it down the outside lane despite the lane closed signs he'd had enough and decided to form his own rolling roadblock.
"Watch this"
"Jock what are you doing"
Jock punches a few buttons and the sign just ahead of the entertainment changes from outside lane blocked to inside lane blocked.
The 18 wheeler moves completely to the outside lane and the middle lane immediately closes up, so you can't get a Rizla between the bumpers of any vehicle, to prevent the mass of now indicating traffic in the inside lane from moving over. The Merc driver is turning puce as he's now stuck behind the truck and can't see the sign, the drivers in the inside lane are screaming and shouting at the middle lane occupants who are doing their level best to not notice and the driver of the 18 wheeler goes back to his mobile and cup of coffee, steering with his knees.
The two people in the control room watching this are now pissing themselves laughing.
"Jock. You are going to get the sack"
"Och awa wi'ye, it's only one o' ma tricks"

1 comment:

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