Oh dear!

Well they've all been in the back of my car last night, the whole spectrum. The flag drapped, xenophobic, sweating, overweight bigot who couldn't kick a habit, let alone a football, mouthing obscenties and bile in every alcohol fuelled, spray accompanied word ("thats a fiver mate" now piss off). All the way to the terminally disinterested some 5 hours or so after the game "Oh did we lose?".
There was a bit of considered converstaion with those who hadn't drowned their sorrows completely but were only going down for the first time, surprisingly little 'we were cheated' due to the goal that wasn't given though.
Most of it centred around the overpaid, over pampered couldn't give a toss theme but I don't think it's that simple.

We have, by common agreement, pretty well the best league in the world but we have that because we have a great number of foreign players playing here.
Our problem exists at a grassroots level. My son played in a kids football team for years up until about three years ago and you get sick of hearing well meaning Dads who manage a team but have no coaching qualification screaming things like "get rid of it" and "your out of position". Obviously working out their own frustrations or previous failures on a bunch of 10 year olds.
They're still young, sod position and get rid of it. Play with it, if your not starting to learn that at 10 when are you going to learn it and as for insisting that they play on a full sized pitch at such a young age! Words fail me.
I've seen more than enough stressed out 10 and 11 year olds, because they, can't get a game, get subbed off, the managers screaming at them or just as often their Dad, with the same language they'd use at the club they support.

We all had a laugh at the nutter Maradonna before the World Cup playing half the population of Argentina in the run up and only just qualifying but they are playing with freedom and enjoying themselves. Did anyone see any of our players, in any of the four matches, so much as smile. Thats all just a starting point and this is only a blog post not a book.
It is frankly ludicrous though that you watch a replay of a goal that was a full yard over the line from half a dozen different angles within seconds of the incident and you can't see a huge swathe of grass behind the net as it's lined with cameras from the worlds press. Yet up in the stands is Septic Bladder, a cross between Canute and Nelson, trying not to squirm as the worlds accusing eye focuses on him.

Expect a few sackings, lots of finger pointing, but essentially no change for the Euros.

World Crap

After our national heros put in that pitiful display against Algeria every reporter, broadcaster, pundit and the woman who brings the tea trolley round at broadcasting house have been banging on about what's gone wrong.
Revolution, mutiny, incompetence? Sixty odd million people in the country and at least that many opinions on the reason.
So why should I deny myself.

The best yet was Chris Waddle on 5Live. "They're sitting around in their rooms with nothing to do and probably munching on a pack of biscuits"

Brilliant, they've got more money than a politicians got bullshit, they're getting paid that amount for doing something that millions of us would give our left nut to be able to do for nothing just for one half, not even a full match and they're bored and full of biscuits.
Is there a 'Just giving' site where I can donate to assuage the boredom of these poor oppressed sportsmen?
Rooney "probably wants to be back with his new baby" Ah bless'im, so do half the squaddies serving in Afghanistan and they've got a bit more on their mind than whether there's enough ice left for the Bacardi and Coke.

John Terrys obviously upset that the Wags have been left at home as he can't screw anyone else's wife for at least another week so he's mouthing off as the self appointed leader, they may have taken the armband but forgot to pack a muzzle. Ashley Cole's probably working on a complicated spreadsheet working out who's getting more per kick than he is.
David James is looking down his nose at everyone, including Cappello, wondering what makes them think they're worthy of being in the same team. Robert Greens surfing the suicide websites weighing up whether a shot to the temple or throwing himself of a tall building would be preferable but he'll probably miss whichever one he chooses.
The only thing certain about Wednesdays game is that if it's still 0.0 at half time bottles will well and truly have gone and one S. Gerrard will be launching himself over every opposition bootlace within  three yards with that pained expression only he can manage.

Go on then you lot, prove me wrong, at least look as though your trying.

The eyes have it

We don't have enough surveillance. They're missing huge possibilities, cameras on the roads and buildings are all very well but where are the cameras in cars and in houses. An internal camera in every car coupled with a sensor and you can spot a drunk driver before he even sets off, something sniffing the air will pick up drugs. We could even take it further and wire up one of those devices that diabetics use to shove a little needle in your thumb when you grab the steering wheel to take a blood sample. Simplicity itself then to have the car self-lock, contact the police via the ever present mobile phone which will also give them the exact location via GPS.
See we're all instantly much safer on the roads.

All new houses and a 3 year limit for converting existing housing to have Webcams installed in every room. Think of all the domestic violence that would pick up and if your not doing anything wrong what have you got to fear? We could even use them to check when those working for the government we're legitimately sick or just fancy a day off, any doubt and the sensors in the room would breathalyse the individual and automatically dock their pay. I'm sure that for a suitable fee the government would allow certain trusted private companies to access the technology.

We could even track individuals by chipping them at birth much like we do our pets. We would need external visual proof of having been chipped though. Due to the density of population in cities scanning for individuals would be just a bit too difficult at the moment. Maybe we could tattoo people with a number or bar code somewhere visible, like the outside of the forearm.

I'm sorry I have to go now, the phone is ringing and it's probably the government Proctologist arranging the appointment to have the camera installed to track my every movement.

The beautiful game

Played by not very beautiful people.


Zimmer rolls it out to Willy waver, a short ball to Shagger, crossfield pass to Bum Knee, forward to Diver no opposition bootlace within five yards so back to Hopalong Barry, Oh a lovely through ball to Grabagranny, he's clear he must score....

 "Stopa rowing widda da linesman anda pay attention"

I suspect we may have the rug Yanked out from under us.

Here we go again

I'm trying to get enthuiastic, really I am but so far everytime a presenter or pundit on TV or radio says "World Cup" my response is, for an Englishman, typically Gallic. A shrug of the shoulders and that little expiration through an Elvis shaped mouth denoting why are you even bothering me with that.
I should be champing at the bit not being able to wait to get started and stick it to Johnny Foreigner. Being able to teach all those diving, cheating Argies a lesson, run rings round the pouting, arrogant Spanish or Portugese and don't even get me started on the Germans.
But it's not like that now. Football, more than any other sport, now has increasingly invisible national borders. Club loyalties are still as passionate, maybe even more so. Probably one of the players you would hold up as an example to any child, not just of how to play and behave on the pitch but how to speak and react to the outside world even when being provoked or questioned by obvious idiots is a Spaniard, Cesc Fabregas.
Yes I'm biased, I'm an Arsenal fan, but I can't recall ever having had a discussion with a supporter of any other team that had something bad to say about the guy. There are others, I'm sure you can put forward suggestions from your own teams. We are now exposed to players of all nationalities on a much more intimate basis than ever before. When England won it back in 1966 the only time we ever saw these other players was during the much less frequent European matches or Internationals. Our idols were Moore, Charlton, Hurst etc as they were all we saw or heard from on a regular basis.
My point though is am I liable to be cheering uncontrollably if the unlikely happens and England win it and the likes of John Terry and Ashley Cole are prancing around with smug smiles and winners medals. Or will I have a large satisfied look on my face if Cesc is on my screen wearing a winners medal.
I must admit to feeling ever so slightly more patriotic now the season has ended but only slightly.

So while we're singing Jerusalem I'm afraid I'll only be waving a very small cross of St George, that well know Roman soldier/priest.